Divorce is a difficult and trying event that leaves you feeling lost, drained, and exhausted. However, you can make the entire process flow more easily by understanding how tiny issues become huge battles financially and legally. You need to know how to deal with the seven deadly sins of divorce.
Caving Into Pressure
When you go through a divorce, you will be getting “advice” from nearly everyone you know, and some things you are told play directly in to how you react to your divorce proceedings. Remember to talk to your divorce attorney if you have questions. Just because your friend Sally got the house, or your co-workers brother got the kids, doesn’t mean that you will. Remember to talk to your divorce attorney before making any decisions. Throughout your divorce, you will experience two distinct types of pressure.
- Internal Pressure – This describes for feelings and emotions, such as anxiety, impatience, anger, fear, or disbelief.
- External Pressure – This is the pressure exerted by others involved in your divorce. This includes your spouse, mediator, judge, parents, children, siblings, therapists, or anyone else.
As a rule of thumb, understand that others will be trying to get you do what they want, not necessarily what is right. Try not to cave to these pressures by focusing on the future rather than the past.
Not Taking Advantage of Mediation
There are many who are quick to proclaim that “divorce is expensive,” but too few people take advantage of the benefits of mediation. Mediation allows you and your spouse to meet with a neutral third party to come to an agreement. If mediation is unsuccessful, then the process moves to trial where the courts will begin to divvy up your property. Trials typically involve the use of multiple professionals for both parties, including a divorce coach, a child development/parenting specialist, attorneys for each side, and an accountant. The result is that the arbitration route typically costs three times as much as a mediated divorce.
Treating Your Attorney Like Your Therapist
The legal processes of getting a divorce take a huge emotional toll, and you may be tempted to unload all of your emotional troubles and worries on your attorney. However, your attorney is a professional at legal matters, not a therapist. Talk with your family, your friends, or a therapist about your emotions, and take steps to ensure you have a stable mindset. Also, avoid treating your children like a therapist. Your children do not need any additional worries as they will also be dealing with the stress of the divorce.
Placing Too Much Emotional Value Into Objects
Throughout your marriage, you and your spouse acquired countless possessions and items. You may begin fighting over certain items, which hold sentimental value. It’s best to get a mediator to help you split up your possessions together. Otherwise, you will create a hostile environment, which could lead to criminal issues, personal problems, or events that could harm your children. However, you should take action and take items to which your ex has no claim to, which include the following:
- Electronics you purchased on your own with your own funds.
- Favorite, small household items.
- Personal scrapbooks, journals, or pieces of literature.
Accept that some big items will not likely go to you, but do not take a bitter stance over this. You will be much happier if the divide goes smoothly.
Creating a Social Media Firestorm
When you are going through a divorce, your right to privacy on your personal social media accounts goes out the window. Every post on social media can and will be used against you. Your ex could still get to your social media page by using friends’ accounts, or by creating a new account. However, you must also think about the impact others’ social media pages could have on your divorce proceedings. For example, your child could post an image of an alcohol-laden party at your house on his or her social media page, which will reflect horribly on you. Even recreational activities, like jumping on a trampoline, could be misconstrued by your ex as allowing unsafe activities. The only thing you can do is be extremely vigilant of everything that goes on under your watch during your divorce, especially if you have children.
Focusing on Beating or Hurting Your Ex
Once upon a time, you and your spouse were happy. Now, your emotions have taken on the persona of a rollercoaster. These emotions occur due to hurt feelings, feeling victimized, or otherwise trodden down. However, divorce has a way of making you want to point the finger and triumph over your ex. Try to focus on coming out of the divorce happy, not necessarily the winner.
Not Hiring an Attorney
During your divorce, your spouse may try to convince you not to hire an attorney. Meanwhile, he or she has already hired an attorney without you knowing about it. Think about it: an attorney lends a professional voice to the arguments of each party. If you do not have an attorney, you will appear weak, and you may falter in your divorce wants and needs. Each case is different, and another person’s positive experience with not having an attorney does not mean your experience will be the same. Furthermore, an attorney will be able to educate you on your options, explain the legal jargon, file paperwork on your behalf, and respond to your spouse’s attorney, ultimately, making the divorce easier on your psyche.
Salt Lake City Divorce Attorney
No one wants to think about all that ends during a divorce, but you need to think about how you will survive this stressful event. If you are currently going through a divorce, or you may be in the near-future, start your preparation now. Follow these tips to ensure the best outcome, and request a free case evaluation from Salt Lake City divorce attorney, David Pedrazas, PLLC.