Divorce changes more than the relationship between you and your ex-spouse. Divorce affects all relationships—including your friendships. When friends start to vanish from your life, the pain you’re already experiencing can intensify. The following can help you deal with friends who are no longer supportive following your divorce.
1. Reevaluate Friendships
During a divorce, you’ll very soon pick out the “fair weather” friends. These friends aren’t going to stand by you during tough times. Although it hurts to see them distance themselves from your life, remind yourself that the desertion is for the best. You want to surround yourself with people who love and support you—no matter what’s currently going on in your life.
However, don’t assume friends that distance themselves from you are necessarily not the right friends for you. A friend may not know what to say and wonder if he or she should sidestep the topic of divorce altogether. If you get the sense your friend is simply unsure of how to act around you, set the tone next time you speak. Your best bet is to ask about any awkwardness to see if that’s the reason your friend has kept his or her distance.
2. Lines Drawn
Unfortunately, mutual friends can and will take sides during a divorce. If a friend has sided with your ex, you’re not likely to remain civil following the divorce. In very rare cases a friend will stay close with both parties going through a divorce. If you are going through a contentious divorce, your ex may have painted you as a villain to your mutual friend. Although you could try to present your side of the story, you may be wasting your breath. If the friend never bothered to talk to you directly and simply disappeared from your life, his or her mind may already be made up. Don’t succumb to the feeling that those around you are ganging up on you. Instead, lean on the friends and family who are staying by your side through thick and thin. You don’t have to use friends as cheap marriage counselors, but you should be able to talk to them when you’re feeling lonely or scared.
3. Dealing With Personal Issues
Sometimes it takes a lot to be the bigger person and accept that not everyone is as compassionate as you are. There’s an unfair stigma about what kind of person gets a divorce. According to Psychology Today, friends may view a divorcee as a threat or the divorcee may cause the friends to see issues in their own marriages. Marriage can be tough and seeing a friend get divorced can make a person feel vulnerable and unsure about the future.
Another issue you may come across is finding common ground with your friends. A single’s lifestyle is completely different. You may be seen as a threat if you have friends who have a jealous streak. They may not want to extend an invitation to dinners or get-togethers you had previously attended as a couple. The way to handle these situations is to accept that you and your friends may be at different places. This could be a good time to extend your network and make new friends. Get out of your comfort zone and make it a point to meet new people you have more in common with. Gyms, volunteer organizations, and work are just a few places you can be on the lookout for new friends.
Changing friendships are a part of life. Although seeing your friends desert you is painful, don’t dwell on things you can’t change. You will get through your divorce and when it’s over, you’ll have the right friends standing by your side.
Compassionate and Experienced SLC, Utah Divorce Attorney David Pedrazas Can Help
If you’re going through a divorce and are looking for legal representation from an experienced divorce attorney, David Pedrazas is here to help. David has over 20 years of experience dealing with all kinds of divorce and family law issues throughout Utah. Give the Law Office of david Pedrazas a call today at 801-263-7078 today for a free case evaluation.