How to make divorce easier?
Though divorce is one of the most difficult things to go through, there are things to do to make it easier.
Ernest Hemingway wrote, “If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it.” He was referring to the sadness at the end of a relationship, yet divorces usually end in acrimony. They don’t have to. Here are some things you can do to help you navigate the divorce in good mental health and with sound decision making.
Become a diligent record keeper
Beyond just improving a legal case, this can help you cope with your divorce.
There’s nothing more important to the law than facts. What actually happened, what people actually did or didn’t do determines the outcome of the cases. To prove things happened the way you say they did, you will need supporting evidence. One of the most reliable pieces of evidence is a written record. Write down even the most innocent seeming events if you think they may relate to your case. Keep a log of all interactions with your spouse, their attorney and yours.
Even in the worst divorces, this is an important step in making healthy progress.
Don’t become embroiled in bitterness, especially if children are involved. Anger can cost you in health and make you miss important details to a proper legal resolution of the issues. What happens will permanently affect your children, so it is important to keep their spirits high.
Often this is the best solution for post-marital disagreements.
A mediator is a trained professional who will help you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse come to an amicable resolution to the split without going to the courts. You don’t have to abandon your attorney for mediation as the lawyer can give you advice when you need it. Remember that attorneys can’t participate in the proceeding.
Seek help beyond legal issues
If you are struggling emotionally, reach out to someone for help.
A divorce is one of the most stressful events you’ll ever endure. Don’t be afraid to speak to a therapist, social worker or other health professional regarding your personal well-being. If you’re getting a divorce there’s a good chance you already have a marriage counselor. The marriage counselor’s client was the marriage, so you’ll now want to seek help elsewhere.
Keep your distance
After a divorce you will be separated indefinitely, it is important to begin that process during divorce proceedings.
Maintain appropriate distance from your spouse, emotionally and physically. Emotional entanglements will complicate things. Constant contact may send a mixed message. If you have to communicate, send a text, an email. If you have to speak directly with your spouse, keep it civil.
Avoid procrastination and other unwise scheduling.
If you decide to act, don’t procrastinate or put off the proceedings. If you’ve carefully considered all things and settled with divorce, you should be good to go and not look back. Also consider the time of year and avoid situations where the divorce proceedings crossover events where you’d normally get together with family. Holidays are fraught with emotions negative and positive, and you may want to preserve good feelings for you and your family.
Don’t get hung up on blame
Look forward instead of backward, find resolutions instead of blame.
We love to be right in an argument more than anything. That’s why divorcing couples seem keen to prove the other party was at fault even though that offers little real advantage to either party to a divorce. The reality is – and your marriage counselor would have told you this – that both parties to a marriage have responsibility in the good and bad. To have an easier divorce, it’s better to accept this up front.
Lying only complicates the divorce process.
Be honest with yourself and with the other parties, whether it’s the mediator, a Guardian ad Litem or your attorney. Being honest will avoid further contention and lead to faster and less complicated proceedings.
A willingness to adapt to new situations will go a long way to having an easier divorce.
There’s no straightforward, predictable outcome to a divorce other than the end of a legal relationship. You want to be flexible regarding the outcome to the extent possible. You want certain visitation rights, you want the car. This is why it is important to be open to a settlement. You can work things out amicably before having a judge decide how the rest of your life happens after the marriage ends.
Good communication will help others understand you and the things you need.
Problems will arise and you will need someone to talk with. Keep a list of those people and their contact information handy. These people might include:
- A family member
- A friend
- A therapist
- A mediator
- Your attorney
Hire a Trusted Attorney
At the Law Office of David Pedrazas, PLLC we can help you.
Through our many years experience in family law, we understand the difficulties of divorce and know how to make divorce easier. Why choose the law office of David Pedrazas? We can help you face divorce confidently, knowing that you and your children’s interests are looked after. Fill out our form to the left for a free consultation and to learn more about how to make divorce easier!